Why do we do it? We make our lists of The Perfect Man with its double column of Must Haves and Have Nots and determine that we will never again fall for, date or marry someone who doesn’t fit the bill.
And then we do just that.
Why do we lower our standards when a man pays attention to us, when our hearts yearn for someone better? Unencumbered by emotion when we’re alone, we think clearly and act rationally. We wouldn’t dream of giving the time of day to men who treat us less respectfully than we deserve.
But when someone comes into the picture who is romantically inclined toward us, our heads and our better judgment fly out the window. Finally, there’s someone interested in me! Joy! I’m wanted! I’m desirable! And so we plunge in, heedless of the fact that he may appear more in the Have Nots column than the Must Haves column (which we conveniently forget about). We make excuses for him because HE LIKES US.
And we pay for the lapse dearly.
It’s not easy to admit when we’re desperate for a relationship, so desperate that we ignore warning signs about a person. Those signs range from information, opinion or advice from others about the man in question, to the habits, words, and actions of the man himself. Is he known for positive/negative behaviors? Have you heard questionable stories about him? Is he kind and considerate? Is he rushing things physically? Do his words edify or demean? Do you contribute more to the relationship (phone calls, scheduling, finances) than he does? Do you have a better paying job, higher education or wider social circle than he does? Is he nice to animals? Do kids like him?
If we treat these warning signs like the real relationship traffic signs they are, maybe there would be fewer wrecked hearts and lives. These signs also include:
SLOW DOWN: This is going way too fast for safety.
STOP: Do not go forward into this relationship for whatever reason.
TWO WAY TRAFFIC: We aren’t heading in the same direction, so how can we continue on together?
NO ENTRY: Don’t go there.
ROCK FALL: Rocky road ahead and destined to fall apart.
SKIDDING CAR: Get ready for an unsafe ride.
EXIT: Leave. Like, now.
ROTARY/ROUNDABOUT: We’re going round in circles instead of moving forward.
Remember: regrets are harder to get over than right decisions. Let’s start obeying the traffic signs and spend less paying for relationship speeding tickets, soul damages and higher insurance rates for broken hearts.