Category: Behind Closed Doors

“Though i may be fat…fat is what I am…not who I am.” I say as I stare at myself in the full length mirror, There is nothing more terrifying for a fat person than a full length mirror.  I do the walk of shame multiple times a day, up and down my passage way, where my full length torment resides.  Up until a little while ago I happily just had a small face mirror in the bathroom but my dearest and well meaning Pa noticed I didn’t have a proper mirror and kindly gave me one he had lying about the house.   He even came around with picture hooks and hammer to hang it for me. What could I do…refuse?

Most days, eyes lowered, I hurry frantically up and down the narrow passage way avoiding the mirror like the plague but try as I may NOT to look sometimes I just can’t help myself….like now…I guess I am a sucker for torment.

“Being fat doesn’t define me its simply extra baggage I happen to be carrying today but it wont (necessarily) be there forever” As convinced as I try to sound to myself as I say it out loud, secretly I am not so sure.  I for one know about the hard work that goes into ‘losing’ the extra baggage well not just a few pieces of baggage a whole cargo hold actually…which is why I emphatically add the word (necessarily).

Standing in front of it I see the HUGE flabby apron that hangs right around my midsection, I see my thunder thighs and all the jello-like cellulite as it glistens and winks at me in the sun…I even see the flabby mass hanging from the bottom of my arms that wobble, wobble, wobble, and the rolls just under my arms that jut out whenever my arms are flush against my body.  Its a mission not get lost in the disgustingness of it all…I mean who wants to look at fat ugly rolls and love handles that nobody actually ‘loves’.  I know i have amazing eyes, a great smile…complete with two cheeky dimples.  I am told I inherited the best physical fiatures from both my parents from my late Polynesian Mothers’ caramel-latte skin colour, her stunning high cheekbones, perfictly oval face and full lips to my Pa’s glittering emerald shaped eyes and  scottish unruly curly hair.